


Love Asunder

by simplygrimly



Category: I Love Yoo (Webcomic)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Creative License, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Emotional Sex, Engagement, F/M, First Love, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Light BDSM, NSFW, Oral Sex, Rekindling romance, Rough Sex, Submissive, Unrequited Love, Vaginal Sex, soft dom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:47:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23023480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplygrimly/pseuds/simplygrimly
Summary: Six years after Yeong-Gi disappears, Shin-Ae has settled into her life and gotten engaged. But what happens when Yeong-Gi returns without warning, and with purpose?
Relationships: Hirahara "Nol" Yeong-Gi/Yoo Shin-Ae, Hirahara Kousuke/Yoo Shin-ae
Comments: 30
Kudos: 142





	1. The Engagement Party

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please keep in mind that this is set about seven years beyond the current ILY timeline. Yeong-Gi disappeared six years before the start of the story, and Shin-Ae and Kousuke have been dating for five years, living together for four years at this point. 
> 
> I have taken some creative liberties in an effort to write each character as I envision them as adults with added maturity. 
> 
> This work will also contain NSFW scenes for BOTH SHIPS.

Shin-Ae smiled as she showed yet another group of women the diamond that was sitting on her ring finger. The engagement ring was stunning, it was tastefully designed using stones that had been passed down in the Hirahara family for generations and somehow it had been perfectly sized to her finger before she had ever even known it existed. She barely heard the high pitched giggles and feminine tittering as they turned her hand this way and that, causing the diamonds to glisten and sparkle as they refracted the lights of the room. 

There were moments when Shin-Ae had trouble believing that this was truly her life, when she couldn’t wrap her mind around how she had gotten here. She was painfully aware that this was not her world, that she had been raised so intensely different that sometimes Shin-Ae was sure that she was dreaming. She had never imagined that one day she would be surrounded by the richest people in the world, that she would have quiet dinners with her fiancé and some of the most prominent businessmen of their time. She couldn’t believe that she had gone from being so poor that she was hours away from being evicted to being the center of attention in a room full of more power and money than she had ever imagined. 

But every time she lost herself in the self doubt that loomed at the edges of her mind, his warm hand and soft voice somehow appeared beside her. Her smile broadened as his hand gently rested at the small of her back, calm and assured as he asked the group of women to excuse them so that he could have a moment alone with his fiancée. The circle of women blushed and giggled as they tore their gazes from the ring and scattered to different areas of the ballroom. 

Shin-Ae looked up at Kousuke and a blush crept across her cheeks, his gaze held a soft possessiveness and warmth that never failed to take her by surprise. He brushed his thumb softly against her cheek and gave her a subtle smile, “Are you having fun?” 

Her smile widened and she shook her head slightly, “I don’t even know. I keep wondering how I got so lucky, how I ended up here.” 

“You continually insulted and taunted your boss until he fell in love with you?” 

She playfully swatted at his arm and laughed, “I was not  _ that _ bad!”

Kousuke caught her hand and pulled her close to him. His voice was soft and captivating, playful in a way that only she recognized. “You were ruthless, my dear.” He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, savoring the way that her body softened against his for a moment before he sighed and released her hand. “Are you ready to make the official toast?” 

She had grown used to the public appearances, the toasts and speeches, and she had become accustomed to the spotlight that came with dating Kousuke Hirahara. But she had never quite been able to shake the nerves that came with being the center of attention. But the way Kousuke looked at her was enough to boost her confidence and make her feel as if she belonged beside him. His confident curve of his lips settled the butterflies in her stomach, and his assured expression eased the anxiety that always gripped her in the moments before she and Kousuke spoke at these parties. Shin-Ae nodded and flashed him a smile, genuinely excited to share their news with the massive ballroom full of hundreds of people that she hardly knew. 

Kousuke grasped her hand gently, bringing it to his lips to press a soft kiss to the back of her hand in a moment of tender affection before guiding her to the small platform at the side of the room. Shin-Ae couldn’t help but admire him as she let him lead her through the edge of the crowd. His stride was confident and self assured, and Shin-Ae blushed as she noted the way his perfectly tailored tux hinted at the lean muscles hiding beneath the expensive fabric. She bit her lower lip softly as she wondered why he had chosen her, as she thought - for the millionth time over the last five years - how lucky she was. She let him guide her up onto the platform, chivalrously waiting for her to step up before he took his place beside her and wrapped an arm loosely around her waist and clearing his throat as a signal for the musicians to silence their instruments. 

Shin-Ae’s stomach did a quick flip as she felt the eyes of the room fall on her, hundreds of people appraising her before turning their attention to Kousuke’s waiting smile. His fingers flexed at her waist, a silent gesture of intimate reassurance before he handed her a glass of champagne that had appeared beside them on the tray of an efficient waiter, and raised his own. 

“Ladies and gentleman. Shin-Ae and I would like to thank you all for coming tonight, and we would like to share a bit of news with you all.”

~~~~~~~~~

Nol walked silently through the halls of his father’s home with a grimace. It was the last place that he wanted to be on his first night back. He had planned to go look for Shin-Ae, to finally talk to her and explain what had happened, but Yui had insisted that he show up. She had assured him it would be a private, family affair, but then insisted he wear a tux, leaving Nol suspicious and irritated. But nevertheless, he had put on the tux and combed his hair, and was making his way to the ballroom. 

Yui waited for him at the double doors to the ballroom, arms crossed over her chest and a deceptively welcoming smile painted across her face. “ You’re late, Kid. I was starting to think you wouldn’t come!”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at her with a straight face. His tolerance for her manipulative antics had disappeared in the six years he had spent away from his family, and he no longer felt the need to mask his annoyance with a pleasant expression. He didn’t care what she - or the rest of his family - thought of him, he simply wanted to fulfill his obligation to attend whatever this dinner was and then set about finding Shin-Ae. 

Yui eyed him for a moment and Nol couldn’t help but wonder what she had up her sleeve. He had forgotten a lot of things over his long absence, but he would never forget that she never did anything without a purpose. She stepped in front of him and reached her hands to his lapel, Nol stiffened as she adjusted the front of his tux but he refused to react. He had worked hard to learn how to control his impulses over the years, and he was determined not to give her the satisfaction that she sought in the simple touch. 

She looked up at him with her trademark smile, hiding whatever she was truly thinking behind the overly pleasant smile that sat heavily on her face. “You look so handsome, kid. Just like your father in a tux.” She patted his chest gently before finally pulling her hands away, her eyes surveying his lack of physical reaction to her. “Kousuke will be pleased to see you here to celebrate his engagement with us!”

He furrowed his brow as she opened the doors, revealing the ballroom full of people in formal attire. Nol glared at her back as she stepped into the ballroom, not bothering to look back at him as she knew he would follow her. He fell in step behind her, the crowd seeming to part naturally as she stepped forward. 

As they neared the other side of the room, the music fell silent and Nol looked up, his gaze instantly falling on his brother...and Shin-Ae. He quickly assessed the two of them; their hands twined together, her gaze lovingly focused on Kousuke, the smug smile etched across his face. Kousuke handed her a glass of champagne and Nol caught sight of the glittering diamond on her finger, and his heart dropped. 

“Ladies and gentleman,” Kousuke’s voice hung in the air as Nol’s focus zeroed in on Shin-Ae and the sounds around him seemed to fade out as he waited for her to see him. Shin-Ae looked from Kousuke to the crowd, her eyes skipping from one person to the next. When her bright, mahogany brown eyes met his, her smile faltered and Nol’s heartbeat stuttered in his chest. 

~~~~~~~~~

Shin-Ae looked out over the crowd, taking in the smiles and approving nods that looked back at her. Her breath caught in her throat as she noticed a shocking head of red hair, and she narrowed her eyes to focus on the face beneath it. Nol’s bright green eyes stared back at her, shock and hurt written plainly across his face. She felt her stomach clench as the emotions ripped through her, and the pain that she had felt when he first disappeared, pain that she thought was long behind, suddenly blossomed in her chest again. Her fingers tightened around Kousuke’s, clinging to him for strength despite the fact that she was unable to pull her gaze from Nol’s. 

She didn’t hear him finish the toast, but she was snapped back to reality as Kousuke clinked his glass against hers and the room suddenly came to life again. She forced herself to take a breath and drained the champagne in a single gulp, forcing herself to look away from Nol as she emptied the glass. 

Kousuke’s voice was gentle but concerned, ringing in her ears as she fought to maintain control of her emotions. “You can relax dearest, we’re done.” Shin-Ae nodded and forced a small smile as he squeezed her hand encouragingly, following him down from the platform so that they could continue the obligatory socializing. 

But as Kousuke turned to a group of sharply dressed businessmen, Shin-Ae could only think one thing; she had to talk to Nol.


	2. On The Balcony

Nol watched as Shin-Ae stepped down and said something to Kousuke before turning to find him in the crowd. Their gazes met almost instantly and she stood for a moment, unable to move as the emotions played across her face. They were separated by a sea of luxurious dresses and glittering diamonds, women wearing expensive makeup and hair pinned into fancy topknots and french twists. She bit her bottom lip and shook her head slightly before quickly making her way towards the other side of the ballroom, suddenly unsure of how she was supposed to face him after so long. 

Nol immediately started walking in the same direction, determined to catch up with her before she disappeared. He wove through the crowd of expensive clothes and glittering jewelry, not caring about the eyes staring at him as he shoved his way towards Shin-Ae. It was easy for him to head her off, her short stride and restricting dress no match for his speed. He quickly stepped in front of her and opened his mouth to say her name, silenced as she held a hand up and stepped around him, furiously shaking her head as she refused to meet his gaze. The warm lights of the party bounced off of her soft skin, 

“Shin-Ae, wait!” Nol quickly turned and gently grasped her elbow, forcing her to stop for a moment. He glanced at the crowd, taking in the countless pairs of eyes watching them. He looked around quickly, his gaze zeroed in on the balcony before he quickly led her outside. He made sure they were alone as he guided her to the far corner of the balcony. He stared down at her for a moment, watching as she chewed on her bottom lip and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“What do you want, Nol?”

He blinked for a second, surprised that she had taken to using the name that his family insisted on using. It almost felt like acid from her lips, a clear sign of the vast distance that had grown between the two of them over the course of his absence. He could hear the hurt in her voice, the obvious feeling of having been betrayed and cast aside. She was determined to keep her distance from him, forcing her voice to remain flat and aloof as she looked out over the perfectly maintained garden beneath them. He sighed and forced himself to focus, trying to pinpoint a single train of thought running through his head so that he could talk to her, but he could only manage one clear thought. “What are you doing, Shin-Ae?”

She looked up at him, her mouth slightly open and brows knitted tightly together. “What do you mean, what am I doing?”

“I mean -” he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, frustrated at his inability to collect his own racing thoughts. “I mean, what are you doing with him? With all of this?”

“Kousuke and I have been together for five years, I’ve been a part of ‘all of this’ for a long time.” She shrugged and looked out over the balcony, “you just haven’t been around to see it.” 

Nol’s chest tightened at her words, hurt at the soft vulnerability in her voice but unsure of how to respond to her. “Shin-Ae I - I didn’t mean to disappear like that. It was never what I intended.”

“But it’s what you did.” Her voice was soft but firm, almost vulnerable in the simple statement.

Nol ignored the hurt in her voice and pressed on, “But I don’t understand any of this. How did you and Kousuke -”

“ _ Exactly, _ you don’t understand!” She tightened her arms across her chest but stared up at him defiantly, daring him to say another word as she gathered her thoughts. She sighed and blinked back tears, unable to look away from him despite the discomfort sitting heavily in her stomach. “You  _ left _ , you literally disappeared without a word. You promised me that you wouldn’t disappear and then you did. What did you expect me to do, sit home alone and pray that someday you would come back?”

He shook his head at her as he gestured to the party going on in the ballroom, “No, but Kousuke -”

“ _ Kousuke _ was kind and gentle, he was patient and understanding with me while I worked through you just picking up and leaving like none of us even mattered to you. I didn’t intend for him and I to end up together, but we did. I love him, I’m happy with him. I accepted his proposal with no hesitation, Nol. And why shouldn’t I have? I had no indication that you were ever coming back, and you never gave me any reason to think I should wait for you anyway. I was left with nothing but wondering if I was wrong about what I thought was between us and countless unanswered calls and texts. You dropped off the face of the earth.” 

“Shin-Ae, I did not -”

“Yes, you did. At least,  _ to me _ you did.” She looked down at her feet as she felt the tears building at the corners of her eyes, knowing that she would be unable to fight them back for much longer. “I know you were in touch with your father,” she said quietly as she struggled to maintain her composure, “and I know you spoke to Kousuke every now and then. I know you were working with the company. And Kousuke gave me your phone number when I asked for it, he never tried to stop me from reaching out to you. But you never answered me.”

Nol snapped his mouth closed in surprise; he had assumed that Dieter or Soushi had given her his new phone number, he had never expected it to be Kousuke. He saw the tear slip down her cheek, glistening as it trailed a line down her soft skin, and he sighed in defeat. He knew that there was no point in trying to explain, at least not yet. She was too hurt and too angry to listen to him so soon after his return. But he was also determined not to give up on making sure she understood why he had left the way he did. 

“Shin-Ae,” he said her name softly as he tilted her chin up, silently asking her to look into his eyes. He wiped the tears away with his thumb, barely touching her cheek as he fought the urge to wrap her tightly in his arms. “I’m sorry. I never intended to hurt you, that was the last thing I ever wanted.” 

She sighed and her expression softened for a moment as she pressed her cheek ever so slightly into his touch. She closed her eyes and pulled in a steadying breath before she gently pushed his hand away. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“Shin-Ae -”

She shrugged and forced herself to give him a small smile, “I need to get back inside. I’m sure Kousuke is missing me by now and it would be rude to our guests if I just disappear.” She stepped away from him, forcing the whirlwind of emotions down so that she could focus on the engagement party waiting for her. She looked over her shoulder at him, wishing for a moment that he had never left. “Try and have fun tonight, I’m glad you’re back.” 

Nol watched her slip back into the ballroom and disappear into the crowd before turning and leaning his forearms on the balcony. He flexed his fingers against the autumn air, thankful for the chill that countered the flush of emotions that washed over him. He struggled to slow the thoughts racing through his head, but he continued to circle back to one question;  _ how the hell had she ended up engaged to Kousuke? _


	3. To Clear Your Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS NSFW

Shin-Ae slipped the silk robe from her shoulders and laid it over the chair before absentmindedly smoothing her hands over the matching fabric of her night gown. “You look lovely, dearest.” She glanced up at Kousuke and smiled, he was leaning against the tufted headboard, his book resting on his chest as he gazed at her with the same subtle smile that she had grown to love. 

“You always say that,” she pulled the plush comforter back and crawled into the oversized bed. The soft mattress and high thread count of their sheets never failed to instantly relax Shin-Ae, allowing her to set aside whatever stress she had dealt with over the course of her day and simply enjoy her quiet nights with Kousuke. 

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead as she snuggled into the bed beside him. “And it’s always true,” he said quietly as he let her get comfortable. She rested her head on his chest as he lifted his book up to continue reading, comfortably nestling herself into the same spot she had occupied since they had moved in together four years ago. Shin-Ae closed her eyes and listened to the strong, calm sound of his heartbeat, grateful for the return to their quiet, consistent routine after the exhausting engagement party. She trailed her fingers over the contours of his chest, tracing the lean muscles that she had already committed to memory. 

“Kousuke?” He made a small sound of acknowledgement but didn’t look away from his book. “Did you see your brother tonight?” 

Shin-Ae knew she had his attention when he closed his book and set it to the side. He lifted her chin, gently but firmly insisting that she look at him. “No, I did not. Did you?” Shin-Ae nodded and sat up on her knees so that she could easily face him. “Shin-Ae, tell me what happened.” 

She sighed and considered the best way to tell him what happened. She knew better than to mention the way that he had practically chased her across the ballroom, or the way he had led her outside by her arm. And she knew that it would only upset him to know that she had cried. But she also knew that she had to tell him as much as she could, the thought of Kousuke finding out that she had a quiet conversation with Nol on the balcony from someone else didn’t sit right in her stomach. “Nothing really _happened_ ,” she started anxiously.

Kousuke lightly ran the back of his fingers down her cheek and looked at her softly, his bright blue eyes filled with nothing but concern as he watched her anxiously fidgeting with the hem of her nightgown. “Just tell me, love.”

Shin-Ae felt the butterflies in her stomach start to lessen, leaning in to his soothing touch as she quickly gathered her thoughts. “I - I tried to avoid him at first but he asked me to wait as I was walking away.” She sighed, trying to remember the details through the haze of emotions clouding her memory. “We went to the balcony and we talked and he - he seemed shocked that we’re engaged, that we’re _together_. I think he was trying to explain where he went, why he just vanished like that...But I was so angry, Kousuke, I couldn’t even let him talk.” She felt the tears slipping down her cheeks as the words tumbled from her lips, not even sure that she was completely making sense as she desperately tried to get it all out before she lost herself again. “I just told him that I had to get back, that you’d miss me, and I walked away from him.” She swiped a hand across her face, trying in vain to dry her face as the tears slipped uncontrollably from her eyes. “I just...I told him to have fun and I just walked away from him. I left him all alone out there, Kousuke. I -”

Kousuke sat up as a choking sob silenced her anxious jumble of thoughts. He pulled her to his chest and ran his fingers lightly through her hair. “You didn’t _leave_ him, Shin-Ae.” His voice was low and calm as he tried to soothe the overwhelming emotions that he could see her fighting to maintain control of. “I know that you feel like what you did is somehow similar to how he left, I know you’re afraid that he felt abandoned. But I promise you it’s not the same thing, dearest. Nol knew that you had responsibilities tonight, you had guests and me to give your attention to.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and tightened his arms around her protectively, “It was unfair of him to choose tonight to try to bring all this up. And you were not wrong in walking away.”

Shin-Ae inhaled slowly, her breath shaking and uneven, but he felt the small nod of her head against his chest. “But, I have to talk to him sometime - sometime soon...Don’t I?”

Kousuke sighed and pressed his eyes shut; he silently cursed the fact that he had been unable to prevent this, that he had been unable to get to Nol first or somehow prepared Shin-Ae for his return. “When you’re ready, love.” He pulled away slightly and cupped her cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from her delicate skin. Her bright, brown eyes looked deep into his, searching for reassurance beyond his words. He smiled at her, his lips curving up slightly higher on one side as he nodded his head slightly, “You can decide when you want to talk to him. I will make sure it happens when _you_ are ready.” 

She felt the tears slow as the promise hung between them. She knew that he would shield her from Nol as long as possible, but at that moment she wasn’t bothered by his overprotective demeanor. She needed time to prepare herself for the door that had suddenly been reopened, to decide exactly how she felt and how she wanted to approach Nol at this point. She knew that she was a completely different woman than she had been six years ago, and she was sure that he was a different man. She nodded again, suddenly grateful for the way that Kousuke always seemed to have control before she could even react. 

She let out a gasp, not realizing until that moment that she had been holding a breath. Kousuke gently wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and gently pulled her lips to his. She immediately softened into his kiss, allowing her body to relax against his as she let him comfort her. They never shared wild intimate moments; it was always soft and slow as he savored every moment with her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingertips brushing against his shoulders as she pulled herself closer to him. Kousuke slid his other hand around her waist and flexed his fingers at her back, encouraging her to move her hips subtly against him as she slowly slipped into the moment. Shin-Ae clung to him, lost in the raw vulnerability that she felt as he gently pressed her body into the bed. 

Kousuke slowly moved over her, taking control of the moment so that Shin-Ae could allow herself to lose focus and simply trust that he would take care of her. She moaned softly against his lips, the sound quickly disappearing into their kiss as he lifted her hips and slid her down to lay flat against the pillows. Shin-Ae moved her fingers to his hair, dragging her nails lightly over his scalp as she opened her mouth to him, inviting his tongue to twirl around hers as she carded her fingers through his hair. 

He ran his hand slowly up her waist and over her ribs, his palm brushing over her breast with a touch light enough that Shin-Ae sucked in a hiss of breath as she arched her back, pleading for more of his touch with every move of her body. Kousuke continued to glide his hand over her body, moving slowly up her chest and brushing his fingertips over the base of her throat. He pressed a featherlight kiss to her sternum as he watched her breath hitch in a sharp inhale, his fingers continuing up her neck as she let her head fall back to allow him easier access to her throat. His lips twitched with the hint of a smile as he felt her body give in to him, relishing the ease with which she allowed herself to submit to his slow ministrations. He brushed the tips of his fingers over her lips and she opened her mouth, quickly darting her tongue across his skin without having to be told what he wanted. 

“Good girl,” he said quietly, his voice humming against her chest as he quickly pulled his fingers from her mouth and reached into her panties. He brushed the, now wet, pads of his fingers across her clit and pressed his body to hers as she arched her back against the sudden influx of sensation. She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth, attempting to muffle a moan but Kousuke pulled her hand away and pressed it into the mattress at her side. “I want to hear you, dearest.” 

Shin-Ae shivered at his words, reacting to the thrilling combination of sensual authority in his tone and the waves of pleasure he was sending through her body. He moved his fingers slowly, teasing Shin-Ae with the deliberate circles that traced the edges of her clit and kept her just out of reach of the height of her pleasure. She spread her legs wider, giving Kousuke better access to her body as he settled his body comfortably against hers. His lips danced across her skin, skipping from her nipples to the sensitive skin at the subtle curve of her ribcage. He used his tongue to drag warm streaks across her skin that tingled as the wet lines chilled in the night air. He focused on heightening the sensations in every other part of her body as he intentionally avoided the one place that she was internally screaming for him to touch. 

“Kou-Kousuke -” his name slipped from her lips in a whisper, hovering on her labored breath as she pulled the sheets into her fists. Her body flexed and clenched beneath him, the tension building at an agonizingly slow pace that he knew would drive her to the edge of her tolerance. 

“What is it, dearest?”

She couldn’t stop the high pitched whimper in response, his simple question only serving to drive her closer to the edge that she was desperately trying to reach. She splayed her fingers and twisted them in the sheets again, fighting the urge to move her hands from her sides and grab aimlessly at his shoulders. Kousuke flicked his fingers directly over the top of her clit, striking at the most sensitive nerves without warning and she cried out in surprise and overwhelming pleasure. He ran his finger over it again, applying more pressure as he watched her with a satisfied smirk. His voice was low enough that she almost couldn’t hear it, but his subtle command echoed in her mind as she chased the pleasure that he was taunting her with, “Beg me for it.”

She whimpered desperately, fighting to control her racing thoughts so that she could ask him for the release that she desperately needed. “P-please, Kousuke…” The words escaped her lips on a whisper, but they were all he needed to convince him to send her tumbling over the edge of a climax that he had been withholding with ease. He pressed quick circles to her clit, quickly hyper stimulating the nerves until her body clenched tightly and she cried out with her climax. “K-Kousuke! I can’t -” she forced a sharp gasp of breath and finally lost control of her hands, quickly threading her fingers through his hair and clutching at him as her orgasm washed over her in a blinding wave of pleasure. 

Kousuke pressed his forehead against her chest as he slowed his finger, gently carrying her through the climax with slowly subsiding pleasure rather than a sharp withdrawal of sensation. When he finally felt her body relax completely, she was unable to do more than lay limp against the pillows as she panted heavily.

He wrapped his hand around Shin-Ae’s waist and pulled her body close, holding her against him as he drew in a long breath to savor the scent of her skin. “Perfect, my love.” He whispered softly, his breath sending shivers across her skin, “You came beautifully for me.”

Shin-Ae giggled breathlessly, irrationally pleased by his simple praise. Kousuke fixed her silk nightgown and matching panties, smoothing down the wrinkles he had caused while pleasuring her, and moved to lay beside her. He pulled her against his chest and closed his eyes as he let out a deep sigh of contentment. Shin-Ae snuggled into his arms, quick to accept the warm embrace that he was offering. She ran her nails lightly along his forearms and spoke quietly, “What about you, don’t you want to get off tonight?”

Kousuke shook his head and pulled his arms tighter, “No, love. That was just for you, to help clear your mind.” He pressed a kiss to her hair and closed his eyes, “We should get some sleep, I have a feeling we are going to have a long day tomorrow.” 


	4. Shock

Kousuke sighed and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. The bright orange letter shone in the darkness, 4:38am, assuring him that the night was going to continue passing excruciatingly slowly. He looked down at Shin-Ae and shook his head slightly as his lips curved in a slight smile. She was laying with her head on his chest, arm draped over his chest with her fingers resting just below his collarbone, and her legs curled in close to his body. He had never been able to sleep when someone else was touching him, the sensation of another body pressed to his never failed to keep him awake no matter how exhausted he was. But he knew that Shin-Ae only cuddled in her sleep when she was feeling very upset, when her anxiety got strong enough to creep into her sleep. On those nights she never failed to seek him out, always wanting to lay against his chest. He suspected that the sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of his slow, steady breathing was calming for her, and so on the rare nights that she rolled over and pressed herself against him, Kousuke never attempted to move her. 

He trailed his fingers softly across her back, sliding his fingers along the silk of her nightgown as he felt the soft inhale of her breath. He ran his hand up her spine and twirled his fingers in her hair, surprised as always by how soft the brown tresses felt. She had let her hair grow long over the last few years, it now fell in soft waves almost at the curve of her waist. He thought of how much she had changed, how different she looked from the unsure, abrasive teenager that she had been when he first met her, and he smiled to himself. She was still as slender as she had been, but her boyish frame had filled out into feminine curves and she had adopted a more fitting wardrobe that suited her features. He had watched her flourish in college and at work, her intense focus on exceeding his expectations of her turning into motivation and determination that helped her graduate early with high marks and earn multiple promotions in the family company. And, perhaps his favorite change, her humor had sharpened over the last few years, her wit and sarcasm pointed enough that she could silence anyone with what seemed like an innocent joke. She had grown into a strong, intelligent woman that he was often surprised by, and seeing her upset and hurt filled him with a strange, heavy anger that he wasn’t accustomed to. 

Kousuke furrowed his brow and reached for his phone on the nightstand. Acting entirely on impulse, he typed out a quick text to Nol, asking to meet him at his office in the morning so that they could talk. Kousuke knew that Shin-Ae was strong enough to handle the situation herself, but he didn’t want her to have to. He couldn’t quell the thoughts running through his mind about what he could do to ease the emotions that were weighing heavily on her mind since the engagement party, and the one that he kept coming back to was talking to Nol. He wasn’t sure what to say to him, but he knew that he couldn’t allow her to suffer through the situation alone when he was able and willing to help her. He stared at the text message for a moment, wondering if Nol would even bother showing up, and hit send before he could talk himself out of it. He watched the notification change from ‘sent’ to ‘delivered’ before he set the phone back on the nightstand, and then he wrapped his other arm around Shin-Ae and pulled her closer to him, resting his chin on the top of her head as he tried to relax enough to sleep. 

When the alarm finally went off, Kousuke reached over and silenced it almost immediately, hoping to let Shin-Ae sleep for a bit longer. But she sighed and stretched her body against his, using the opportunity to nestle herself closer to him. Shin-Ae listened to his heartbeat for a moment as she let herself fully wake up, glancing up at him with heavy eyes. “I feel like I hardly slept,” she muttered against him. 

Kousuke chuckled softly, “I know the feeling, dearest.”

She looked up at him, suddenly completely awake as she realized that he had been awake all night. “I did it again, didn’t I? Oh, I’m so sorry, Kousuke!”

He gave her a soft smile and brushed a stray hair from her face, “It’s okay, I have a light day today anyway. Just a few conference calls, and I asked Nol to come to the office.”

Her expression darkened with concern and she immediately sat up so that she could look directly at him. “Kousuke,” she said cautiously as she searched his eyes. “Why do you want to see your brother today?”

“Do you not want me to?”

His bright blue eyes stared into hers, unwavering as he waited for her to decide what she wanted. “It depends on what you’re going to say. I don’t need you to -”

He held up a hand to stop her, recognizing the spiral of defensiveness that she was close to falling into. “I know you don’t. And I would never presume to step in front of you and keep you from talking to anyone. But you’re my fiancee, so I  _ will _ make sure that his intentions aren’t dishonest or cruel, and I will tell him to be considerate of your needs.”

She furrowed her brow, her face pinching as she scrutinized his words, “My needs?”

“Yes,” he rested his hand on her knee and nodded slowly. “He needs to wait until  _ you _ are ready to talk to him about all this. It isn’t fair to demand that you discuss his feelings when you haven’t been given the time to think about your own.” 

Shin-Ae stared at him for a moment, unable to breath as she tried to collect her thoughts. The urge to tell him not to interfere, not to say anything to his brother, was strong and dominant in her thoughts. But there was a nagging thought behind that; Kousuke had always shielded her until she was capable of dealing with an issue, but he had always respected her requests for him to remain uninvolved. And, while she dreaded the inevitable conflict that Nol’s return would bring, she knew that Kousuke was simply trying to take care of her, trying to keep her from falling into the vast sea of emotions that he had helped pull her out of when Nol initially left. She nodded slowly, biting her lip softly as she let out a shuddering breath. 

Kousuke brushed his thumb over her lip, encouraging her to release it from between her teeth. “I promise, dearest, I’ll only tell him to wait until you’re ready to come to him. I won’t intercede any further than that.” 

Shin-Ae turned her head to lean into his touch as he brushed his hand over her cheek, seeking comfort as anxiety tumbled in her stomach. It had been so long, and she had worked so hard to bury her feelings. It was impossible to predict how everyone in the family would react to his return, his presence an immediate threat to the calm peace that they had forged over the last five years. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shin-Ae felt the calm settling over her with each click of her heels down the hallway as she walked through the hall that lead away from her office. The soft weight of the files resting between her arm and chest was comforting as she threw herself into her routine and allowed work to steal her focus. She glanced into Kousuke’s office, her lips curling in a soft smile as she took a moment to watch him tapping a pen on his desk as he listened to the phone pressed to his ear. His eyes flicked up to her and he raised his brows, silently asking if she needed him. Shin-Ae gave him a quick shake of her head and raised a hand in a simple hello before continuing down the hall. 

She smiled warmly at the young receptionist, thinking about much the young woman reminded her of herself, and handed her a stack of sealed and stamped envelopes. “Will you make sure these go out today?”

The receptionist smiled and set them in her outbox, “Of course! Do you need anything else from me today?” 

“No, I don’t think so. You should be able to leave around five today, I don’t think Kousuke or I have any meetings that we expect to run late.”

“Great!” She smiled at Shin-Ae, always such a warm and friendly presence in the office. “I’ll make sure I get my work done early today, just call if you need me.” 

Shin-Ae turned and was instantly stunned to see Nol walking through the doors to their offices. She froze for a moment as panic built up in her body, but when the little boy smiled at her Shin-Ae bolted. She walked quickly to Kousuke’s office, needing only a moment to warn him before the receptionist directed Nol down the hall. She quickly closed the door and leaned her weight against it, focusing on the cool of the heavy wood against her back.

“What is it, Shin-Ae?”

Kousuke’s voice brought her back to reality and she opened her eyes to see him coming around his desk to stand in front of her. “Nol is here.” Kousuke furrowed his brow, clearly confused as to why she was reacting so strongly when she knew that he had asked his brother to come see him. Shin-Ae took a deep breath and said quietly, “He has a little boy.” 


	5. "I Had You"

Shin-Ae let her shoulders slouch forward as the elevator doors closed, finally away from public eyes she could allow her body to droop with the exhaustion that she felt at her very core. She knew that it was probably silly of her to slip out of Kousuke’s office to avoid Nol, but the thought of discussing their past and his sudden return - especially in front of her fiance - made her nauseous. She hung her head forward and massaged her neck softly, pressing her fingers into the spot just over her shoulder where she held most of her tension. 

The elevator doors dinged open and Shin-Ae stepped onto their floor, the door to their suite was directly in front of her but felt like it was miles away. She forced her feet to move, commanding her feet to take each step in her mind as she fished out her key card. The quiet beep of the lock followed by the click as the mechanism turned was the sweetest sound she had heard all day, as if the door was welcoming her home and inviting her to go and collapse on the couch as the exhaustion overtook her. 

She kicked her heels off, not caring that the suede could scuff with her rough treatment, and shoved them into the cubby by the door before trudging to the living room and sinking into the plush, white sofa. She set her purse on the coffee table and shrugged her coat off, laying it haphazardly over the back of the couch as she lay down and curled her legs up on the couch. Shin-Ae closed her eyes as she tugged one of the pillows under her head, almost instantly drifting off as she got comfortable. She forced herself to set aside the emotional and mental exhaustion, forced her thoughts to still as they waged war in her mind, and darkness blanketed her swiftly. 

~~~~~~~~~

Kousuke sat on the edge of the couch, tenderly gazing at his sleeping fiancee. He brushed the hair from her face and lightly grazed her cheek with his thumb, trying to gently rouse her from her nap so that they could eat dinner and discuss the day. Shin-Ae rarely napped during the day, and hardly ever left work early, leaving Kousuke sure that she was emotionally and mentally exhausted. 

“Shin-Ae, dearest,” Kousuke said softly as he brushed her hair from her face. “You should wake up to eat something.” 

She moved and groaned softly, slowly coming out of the haze of sleep as his voice permeated the silence of the living room. 

“I brought home food, I’d like you to have dinner rather than sleep through the night without food.” 

She stretched her arms above her head as her eyes fluttered open, her gaze meeting Kousuke’s smile as she pulled herself out of sleep. 

He smiled at her softly and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Of course you wake up at the mention of food.” 

Shin-Ae grinned at him and her fingers along the collar of his shirt. “You always did know the quickest ways to get my attention.” 

His smile widened a bit as he leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss to the forehead. “Come on,” he stood and held a hand out to her, “I want to spend some time with you before we head to bed.”

~~~~~~~~~

Nol sat on the edge of the bed, eyes set on the hardwood floor of his hotel room. He couldn’t help but wonder if Kousuke was still staying in the same suite he had lived in before he left, if he was only a few floors above him - if _Shin-Ae_ was only a few floors above him. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if they were curled up in bed together, Shin-Ae’s legs hooked over Kousuke’s, her cheek pressed softly to his chest.

He sighed and let his body drop back on the bed, his arms stretching to the sides as he relaxed into the plush mattress. He wasn’t sure what he had expected when he decided to come back, but it certainly wasn’t all of this. He couldn’t understand how Shin-Ae had ended up with his brother, how she had fallen so deeply into the snares of his family. He knew that she was an intelligent woman, that she saw through Yui’s mask and understood how harmful the woman could be, he knew that she had never had much tolerance for Kousuke’s bullshit. From what he had heard when he first left, she and Kousuke had engaged in more than one knock-down drag-out screaming match in the office. How they had gone from being at each other’s throats to being engaged was a mystery to him. 

He ran his hand over his face and sighed again, trying to force himself to relax. 

_It doesn’t matter how they ended up together,_ he thought to himself. _If she’s happy then that should be all that matters. And if she’s engaged then she has to be happy… right?_

A knock at the door cut through his thoughts and he glanced over at the clock. He frowned, unsure of who would want to see him at almost midnight. He glanced into the adjoining room, making sure that the tiny body in the other bed was still lying still before he got up and walked quietly to the door of his suite, ducking down to look through the peephole before deciding if he wanted to open the door. 

His heart stopped in his chest. He could see brown hair and a tiny frame standing, back to the door, arms clearly crossed in front of her. 

“What the fuck…” he whispered to himself as he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Shin-Ae was standing at the door to his hotel room. He had imagined this a million times; Shin-Ae at his hotel room, the two of them whispering and laughing late into the night, catching up on the years of conversation and tender moments that he had missed since leaving for college. But he had never imagined Shin-Ae being engaged in those moments, especially not to _his brother_. 

Nol ran his hand through his hair, hoping that it wasn’t a complete disaster, and he quickly opened the door before he lost his nerve. Shin-Ae looked over her shoulder for a moment before slowly turning to look at him. Their eyes met, fixed on each other for a long moment, emotions tumbling into the space between them to fill the air with a potent that neither of them knew how to break. He couldn’t help but think of how breathtaking she looked, even standing in cotton pajama pants and Kousuke’s tee shirt, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail and only the mascara left on her face. He could see the hurt and confusion in her eyes, but he could also see unmistakable anger. 

“I think we need to talk,” she said quietly, wringing her hands in front of her. “Can I come in?” 

He nodded, unable to make his voice work, and stepped to the side. She glanced up at him as she passed, but said nothing as she walked to the window and stood, staring at the lights of the city beneath them. He sat on the edge of the bed, lacing his fingers together in his lap, as he waited for her to say something. 

“What happened, Nol?” She turned around, arms still crossed over her chest and furrow knitting her delicate brows. Even with the frustration clouding her face she was beautiful, he had no doubt that she could see exactly how entranced he was by her in that moment.

“I’m sorry, I -” 

She held her hand up and closed her eyes, her lips pressing into a strained pout for a moment. “No,” she said quietly, “I don’t need apologies, I just need you to tell me what happened.” She opened her eyes, the deep reddish brown hues glistened with tears that she was refusing to let fall.

“I had to go, Shin-Ae. I couldn’t stay here, this place - _my family_ \- was going to end up ruining me.” 

“I know that!” She snapped, her voice flooded with frustration. “That is _not_ what I’m asking.” 

His eyes passed from Shin-Ae to the other room, suddenly understanding exactly what she wanted to know. He stared down at his hands, struggling to find a starting point that didn’t sound like he was making excuses. “I don’t really know where to start,” he said quietly, suddenly unable to meet her fierce gaze.

“The beginning,” she said flatly. “What happened when you left?” He could hear her struggling to keep her voice level, the crack in her tone imperceptible to anyone who didn’t who didn’t _really_ know her. 

“I met my wife at Oxford, in my junior year. It started out as just a casual thing, you know?” He looked past her, out the window and into the blur of lights that shone against the almost black sky, as if he were looking far off into the past. “It just - she got pregnant and then Yui showed up. I don’t know how she found out but…” His voice was soft, laced with a combination of regret and anger. “The only way I could keep Kayleigh out of all this…” he waved his hand in the air, gesturing at nothing, “was to get married and stay gone. So I did, and she understood.”

Shin-Ae narrowed her eyes at him, trying to put the pieces together as she impatiently listened. “Understood what, Nol?”

He looked up at her, his green eyes bright and intense as his emotions roiled just under the surface. Shin-Ae had trouble breathing for a moment, the air caught in her chest from the shock of the intensity she saw burning in his gaze. “We weren’t soul mates, Shin-Ae, and we were both honest with each other. She had someone back home in Ireland and I had…” 

She shook her head softly, resisting the urge to snap at him as his voice trailed off and his gaze returned to the floor. She spoke softly, taking care to keep her tone level and calm as she fought the anger that threatened to cut through her. “You had... _what_?”

“I had you.” 

She almost didn’t hear him, he spoke so softly that her mind almost missed the words completely. Her face and chest burned as she flushed, the anger quickly draining from her mind as she tried to piece together the pieces he had given her. “Did you just...what do you mean you were honest with each other? And what does that mean, you had me?” 

He sighed, the sound heavy with emotions that she couldn’t identify, but his gaze stayed on the ground. It almost infuriated her, but Shin-Ae was too lost in her own feelings to understand the puzzle that was laying out in front of her to connect to the anger. She looked up, her eyes focused on nothing as she bit back the tears threatening to slip from her eyes. 

“I never stopped thinking of you,” he said quietly. “Kayleigh and I got together because we were lonely, we both were missing someone that we had left behind and neither of us expected the other to fall in love. It worked for us, it was a placeholder. We never meant for her to get pregnant, but -”

“So, you got married.” Shin-Ae’s face shook as she struggled to force the words from her lips. “You’re _married_ , Nol…”

“I’m _widowed_ ,” he corrected her, his voice growing stronger in response to the anger and hurt in her tone. 

“You…” she whispered as she shook her head in disbelief. “You left us - _you left me_ \- and got married? And never told anyone - disappeared and never said a _word_ \- and only came back because she died?” Shin-Ae covered her mouth with her hands as she lost control of her emotions and began to weep, her cheeks quickly streaking with tears. 

Nol stood and quickly closed the distance between them, taking her hands in his own and pulling them away from her face. She stared up at him, her vision blurring with her tears. 

“I did _not_ leave you, Shin-Ae.” She could feel his words in her chest, the low, husky sound of his voice working to soothe her. “I left my family, my past. But I never left _you_.”

“Don’t you understand?” The words were barely more than a whisper, her voice cracking as she struggled to regain control of her emotions. “I’m tied to all of that, Nol. I’m _part_ of those things you had to get away from, so _you did leave me_.” 

Nol stepped closer to her, close enough that she could smell the laundry detergent on his tee shirt and the subtle, fresh scent of his skin beneath it. He let go of one of her hands and softly touched his fingers to her chin, silently asking for her to look deeper into his eyes. 

“I’m _so_ sorry, Shin-Ae.” He was close enough that she could feel his breath as he spoke, the warmth of his exhales sending a rush of tingling sensations down her spine. “I never wanted to see you cry, I never wanted to hurt you.” 

A shallow sob filled the air between them as Shin-Ae lost herself in the onslaught of pain and sorrow. She closed her eyes and let the gasping sob rack her body, her shoulders and chest heaving with the force of the emotions that poured from her. She parted her lips as if to say something but suddenly felt incapable of speaking, and all of her thoughts pooled into an incoherent mixture that left her speechless. 

Nol didn’t hesitate to react, determined not to make the same mistakes he had made all those years ago. He immediately pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, his hands resting at the small of her back in an affectionate yet protective gesture that seemed to help soften her body against his. He ran a hand softly over her cheek as her hands twisted in the soft cotton of his tee shirt. She clung to him as she cried, her body trembling as she sobbed into his chest. His chest tightened as the realization of how badly he had hurt her crept into his mind. He knew that he had done the right thing by leaving, that he had done the best thing by marrying Kayleigh, that he had protected both of them until he was in a position to do more. But it had hurt Shin-Ae nonetheless, and Nol realized that she may have had no idea what Yui had been up to for all those years, the lengths she had gone to in order to keep him away. His jaw clenched as he thought of Shin-Ae, sad and alone, thinking that he had just up and left and never wanted - or tried - to reach out to her. 

He ran a hand softly up her back, his fingers playing with the hair that tumbled down her back as she pressed her forehead to his chest, slowly calming herself down and regaining her composure. It felt right; holding her against him, touching her so intimately, calming her sadness and frustration. 

He looked down at her and tilted her chin to his, encouraging her to look into his eyes as the tears dried on her flushed cheeks. “I never meant to leave you, Shin-Ae. I planned on coming back for you, I planned on coming back and getting you away from all of this. But, I couldn’t just leave them and let Yui do whatever she wanted with yet another illegitimate Irish son.”

Shin-Ae shook her head slightly, staring up at him with raw intensity that took him by surprise. “You never even reached out to me, you never tried to call me or write me or - or - or _anything_ , Nol.” She let out a sharp exhale, sounding almost incredulous as she looked away from him. “ _I waited for you_ , Nol, for a year.”

Nol felt something snap inside of him, a part of his chest breaking under the weight of her confession and his chest grew tight and constricted. “Yui told me that you didn’t want to hear from me, she told me that you and Kousuke got together and that I’d only be screwing things up. So I stayed away.”

Shin-Ae’s eyes snapped back to him, anger burning in her mahogany gaze. “So you stayed away while I was alone, and you come back _now_ , when I’m engaged to your brother?” She tried to step back but Nol kept his arm around her back, refusing to let her put a wall up between them. “I was finally okay, I was finally happy again. I _finally_ stopped thinking about you. _And then_ you show up - at my engagement party, no less - and want to talk to me about feelings and regrets?” 

She pushed at his chest but Nol held her tighter, unable to bring himself to let go while she was so angry, so _hurt_. He knew that if he let her walk away now, he may not have a chance to get her back. Nol quickly dipped his head down, one hand curling around the back of her neck as he pressed his lips lips to hers. 

The kiss was soft, tentative and pleading, as if he were asking for permission to take more even as she stiffened underneath him. It lasted only a few seconds, before he gently pulled their lips apart and rested his forehead against hers. He stood, eyes closed, breathing heavily, as he held her close to him. He wanted to savor the moment before she rejected him completely, to cherish the moment that he had dreamt of every night that he had been away. 

After a moment Shin-Ae sighed, her chest deflating as the anger left her and longing replaced the hollow space in her chest. She ran her hands up his chest and into the hair at the back of his neck, closing her eyes as she pressed her body against his, her nerves coming alive at the contact as she took in a deep, shuddering breath. Nol’s arms tightened around her, pulling her into his body as if making a silent promise to keep her safe and close no matter what happened. Shin-Ae tipped her chin up to him, brushing her lips against his for only a moment before they collided in a desperate, needy kiss that they fought to keep under control. 

She raised up on her tiptoes, desperate to find a way to get closer to him, and Nol responded instinctively, steadying her with his embrace and straightening his back enough to pull her flush against him. She carded a hand through his hair, relishing the soft locks of red hair threading through her fingers, suddenly greedy for every touch that she had never been allowed before he had left for Oxford. Fire burned between them, the flames licking up their bodies and setting waves of warmth through them as they went deeper into the moment. 

Both were hungry for more, consuming everything the other offered like starving animals that had slept through the winter. Nol splayed his fingers across her upper back, pressing her body harder against his, his other arm snaking further around her waist to ensure that she was securely locked in his embrace. Shin-Ae made a small sound against his lips, a needy whimper that seemed to have slipped from the deepest recesses of her mind and suddenly burst free to fan the flames that were quickly threatening to spread through them like wildfire. Nol responded to the sound with renewed fervor, opening his lips against hers and touching her lips softly with his tongue, asking - _begging_ \- to be let into her mouth to explore the hidden warmth and desire within her. Shin-Ae answered with another whimper, this one stronger and more demanding, before she parted her lips and welcomed him deeper. 

His lips were soft on hers, tantalizingly sweet despite the hard way that they pressed against her and demanded everything that he had walked away from all those years ago. He straightened his back to stand at his full height, lifting her feet off of the floor and holding her firmly against his chest. His strength surprised her, the ease with which he held her almost startling despite his impressive size. She tightened her arms around his neck, using the sudden vulnerability of their position as an excuse to tighten the hold that she had on him. 

“Daddy?” 

She gasped and pulled her lips from his quickly, the tiny voice snapping her out of the needy trance that she had been caught in. Nol looked at her for a moment, his eyes making her a promise that she wasn’t sure he could keep, before he set her down and turned to the little red haired boy standing in the doorway to the adjoining room. 

“Hey buddy,” he said softly as he smiled at the little boy. “Come over here.” 

Shin-Ae watched as he held out his arms and scooped up the child, her mind stuck on how much like Nol the boy looked. They were a mirror image, clearly two pieces of fruit plucked from the same branch. Nol smiled at him and touched his finger to his nose, the tension and worry suddenly gone from his face as the boy giggled and curled into his arms. 

“This is my son,” he glanced up at Shin-Ae with a smile, “Declan.” 

Shin-Ae looked into the little boy’s bright green eyes, intense and calculating even for a child, his eyes seemed to be more intelligent than his age should allow. Shin-Ae suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if she were intruding on a family that wasn’t hers. She gave Declan a small smile, genuinely touched at the two of them standing in front of her, but her nerves were screaming at her to run. 

Her chest tightened with anxiety, her lungs suddenly unable to expand enough to get a good breath. “I - I should go.” She shook her head and started moving towards the door. “I shouldn’t have come, it’s late and I’m intruding. I - I’m sorry, Nol.” She turned to the door and started walking with long, determined strides. 

“Shin-Ae, wait!” 

She turned for a moment, shaking her head as she held her hands up to him. “I’m sorry, Nol.” 

She slipped out of the door and pulled it shut behind her, taking a moment to lean against the cool wood with her eyes closed. She was suddenly able to breath again and Shin-Ae allowed herself a moment to calm her nerves before she walked to the elevator and went back up to her suite. Back up to her bed. Back up to her sleeping fiancee. 

Nol watched her disappear, the click of the door pulling closed ringing in his ears as he fought the urge to run after her. He could still feel her lips pressed against his, the tingle of her fingers running through his hair still buzzed in his scalp. He ran a hand down his face, letting out a long sigh before smiling at Declan and moving towards the adjoining room.

“Let’s get you back to bed, little man. I know you're tired.” 

~~~~~~~~~

Shin-Ae sat on the couch, resting her head in her hands as she struggled to make sense of what had just happened. 

_Why did you kiss him?_ She thought to herself as she flopped back and groaned. _How could you be so stupid?_

“Shin-Ae?” Kousuke’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked over at him, her face tight with tension and worry. “What’s wrong?” 

She sighed and shook her head. “Nothing, I just - I went down to Nol’s room.” 

Kousuke stared at her for a moment, his blue eyes seeming to look her over for some sign of change, for some hidden clue as to what had happened while he had been sleeping. “Are you okay?” His voice was soft but she could hear the edge in it, she could hear the worry that was creeping into the back of his mind. 

“Can you come sit with me?” She asked quietly, afraid that if she raised her voice she wouldn’t be able to hold on to the single, thin thread of control that she still had. “We need to talk about something.” 


	6. Fire and Ice

Kousuke’s face burned with anger, the hot flush of rage crept over his shoulders and chest as he listened to Shin-Ae relay the entire story. Her voice shook and stuttered as she spoke, clearly ashamed and upset at the kiss that she and Nol had shared. She had been honest with him; she didn’t resist the kiss, if anything she had leaned into it. 

Kousuke didn’t need her to explain it to him, he remembered how hopelessly broken she had been when Nol had disappeared. He remembered how many times he had found her crying in her office, how often she glanced at her phone during the first few months, how many times she had asked about him. His memory flooded with images of the night he had picked her up off the floor of a ballroom, weeping in a red dress as she told him a story about Nol helping her with her makeup at the first formal she had attended. He remembered how frail she had felt in his arms, how delicately she had laid her hands against his chest as she tried to control her tears, how carefully she had dabbed at the wet spots her eyes had left on his jacket despite his assurances that it didn’t matter. That was the night he realized he loved her, that was the night he realized that he would do anything to see her smile the way she used to. 

When Shin-Ae finally fell silent, Kousuke stood and looked down at her. “I’m not going anywhere, Shin-Ae.” The trepidation in her eyes almost hurt, and he realized that she expected him to be angry with her - to shout and storm away, to leave her. Her eyes watched him carefully, waiting for any sign of a reaction from him. He sighed and held a hand out to her, turning his lips in a faint smile of encouragement in response to her hesitation. 

Shin-Ae softly laid her hand in his, her fingers rested gracefully against his palm as he gently pulled her to stand with him. Kousuke pressed her hand to his chest, covering her hand with his own as he held her palm to his heartbeat. “I understand what happened and why, and I understand your reaction.”

“But Kousuke I-”

He shook his head at her and cupped her cheek with his other hand, his touch not  _ quite _ as gentle as she was accustomed to. She turned her head slightly, brushing her lips against his thumb as she closed her eyes and took in the feel of his hand against her flushing cheek. “I know how much you loved him - how much you  _ still _ love him. And I know how hard it must have been for you to be honest with me.” Her eyes fluttered open, wide with shock as she listened to him. “The entire situation is unfortunate but it’s by no means your fault.”

Tears slipped from her eyes again, moving across his fingers as if he were a part of her body, a part of her pain. He could see the love and gratitude in her bright, burgundy eyes as she looked at him, and he softened instantly. Suddenly he was looking at the same broken woman that he had seen six years ago, and it made his heart ache in a way that he had hoped never to feel again. 

Kousuke gently pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her firmly as he folded her into his embrace. Shin-Ae curled into him as a sob shook her, unable to control her emotions in the face of his gentle acceptance of her feelings. Kousuke had become used to this with her; she would fight her thoughts and feelings, desperately try to remain strong and stoic in the face of the storm, but she never hesitated to crumble when he gathered her close and provided her shelter from whatever winds whipped in her mind. He held her too close, clinging to her for fear that she would break in his arms just like she had all those years ago.

When he felt her breathing steady and her shaking reduced to a gentle quiver, Kousuke carded a hand through her hair in an attempt to reassure her of his lasting affection and trust. He let his nails run over her scalp, following an unseen line down her neck and along her spine. 

Shin-Ae shivered at the tingles that spread over her body, flowing in waves down her body like the long line of the ocean meeting the shore. She lifted her face to his, suddenly seeming desperate to look into his eyes as her hands traced the lines of his shoulders. He stared at her for a moment, studying her with something heavy and needy in his eyes, and then cupped her chin softly and pulled her lips to his. He felt her give herself to him instantly, her lips parting under him in a pleading invitation for him to take more. 

This was the way it had always been between them - they were fire and ice, each giving and taking in a balance that evened them out and kept them steady and grounded. Where she pushed and demanded, he held back and asked softly. Where Shin-Ae burned hot and passionate, he stood cool and centered. She danced in the moonlight, casting spells around a fire in the night, and he stood at the edge of the sea, calmly beckoning the waves to him with unfettered consistency. 

He wondered if she still felt Nol’s lips on her own, if he stood between them like a ghost of her past, if he lingered in her mind as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Kousuke felt a flair of jealousy in the pit of his stomach, licking at his thoughts like the flames of a grease fire - burning too hot and impossible to put out. Even when he used to catch her gazing off into the dazing, obviously mourning Nol’s disappearance, he had never felt such an intense desire to make her forget his brother.

Kousuke reacted to his own thoughts before he could bring reason back to his mind, his fingers flexing against her back as he took a step towards her, forcing her to step backwards so that her calves were pressed against the couch. He pushed against her with his body, holding her tightly as he guided her down to the soft surface. She broke the kiss with a shuddering gasp, surprised by his sudden change in demeanor. She let him lay her flat on the couch, turning her head to the side to give him better access to her neck as he covered her skin in hard, wanting kisses that she was sure would bruise. She couldn’t help but encourage him, her fingers curling tightly in his hair as a soft moan slipped into the space between them. Kousuke ran his hands under the hem of her tee shirt, sliding it up her torso to expose the soft skin of her stomach so that he could claim more of her with his mouth. She moaned and writhed beneath him, lost in the intensity of his touch, shaken by the depth of his desire and his need to take some part of her for himself. 

“Kousuke…” She panted his name, suddenly lost in the sea of his emotions, anxious to feel the connection that had always been strong and bright between the two of them. He pulled the shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor - uncharacteristically dismissive of where it landed. Their eyes locked together, suddenly tying them together as they fought themselves in separate attempts to get closer to each other, both needing the other while running from the ghost that hovered over them. Shin-Ae quickly unbuttoned his shirt, pushing the soft fabric down his lean, sinewy arms so that she could feel the heat of his skin under her shaking hands, and Kousuke dipped his head to reclaim her mouth, somehow managing to pull his shirt free of his arms and tossing it haphazardly to the side. 

She met him with an intensity that he rarely felt from her, her nails digging into his back as she drug her hands down to pull his hips against hers. Kousuke ran a hand through her hair, tightening his grip at the back of her head and pulling slightly, eliciting a small gasp as she raised her chin to expose more of her throat. The urge to possess her was overwhelming, to mark her as his own, to force the memories of Nol from her mind pushing him on as his teeth nipped at her pulse. It was as if he had been touched with a brand, his sudden need to regain control was hot and painful, overwhelming and intense. 

Never had he felt so afraid that he would lose her, that she would abandon everything they had built together. Never had he thought of how close to nothing he would be without her. Kousuke realized that he had gone his entire life without really allowing himself to open up to a woman, until Shin-Ae had stumbled into his life and broken through his walls. He hadn’t realized how lonely and lost he was until there was someone beside him, holding his hand as he navigated the darkness of his world. Suddenly his grip on her seemed to be failing and she was slipping from his grasp, and he couldn’t control the urge to hold on tighter, to do anything he could to keep her by his side. 

He followed his instincts, gave in to the desire to pull her hands over her head and press her wrists into the soft cushions, reveling in the darkness that pooled in her eyes as she looked up at him with a hunger that matched his own. The emotional desperation was palpable, each of them begging for an anchor in the middle of their personal oceans, seeking a chain that would keep them connected even as circumstance seemed to try to force them apart. 

He was rough in his handling of her, harsh and unyielding as he took what he needed, greedily devouring everything she offered and then demanding more. She met every touch with equal fervor, lifting her hips before he could ask it, encouraging him as he undressed them both and brought his body back to hers. She responded to him readily, easily, as if there was no question that they were made to do this, that their bodies were designed to fit so perfectly together. 

She arched her back when he slowly ran his hand over her body, begging for more as her eyes closed and she whispered his name. It felt like melted glass from her lips, white hot and delicate, something too beautiful to be passed over, and Kousuke quickly stole the sound from her breath as his finger ghosted over her clit. Shin-Ae hissed a breath of frustration and want, bucking her hips into his hand in an attempt to feel more of him. Kousuke covered her nipple with his mouth, laving his tongue in circles as he matched the movement with his finger, carefully cataloguing every moan, every gasp, every whisper that she couldn’t force herself to keep quiet.

He relished the way that she raised her body to his as he aligned himself with her. She moaned as she felt him press against her, and Kousuke shuddered with restraint, fighting the urge to bury himself inside of her. He closed his eyes as she flexed her hands, still pressed to the soft surface of the couch with one of his hands, he struggled to slow himself down, to keep from getting lost in the dark cloud of jealousy that pulled at the back of his mind. He moved slowly, paying close attention to every flex and twitch of her body beneath, to every sound and hitched breath from her beautiful lips, to every flutter of her hazy eyes as he filled her. 

Shin-Ae tensed and quivered, pulling her legs up to wrap around his waist and pull him closer. He rested his forehead against hers as he moved slowly, each thrust pushing them closer to the edge. Kousuke devoured every sound she made as he was a starving dog, taking what she gave and demanding more with every kiss, every touch, every movement of his body against hers. 

He felt her tense beneath him, her muscles going rigid as he pushed her over the cliff of her pleasure. She gasped and arched against him as the orgasm ripped through her, the intensity of it stealing the breath from her lungs as she pulled him tighter against her. Kousuke followed quickly, letting her drag him over the edge so that they tumbled into bliss together, locked in an unbreakable embrace by tangled limbs and ragged breaths. 

He sagged against her, suddenly struggling to hold his body weight as he struggled to slow his breathing. He absentmindedly ran his fingers along her hair line, his forehead tucked into the crook of her neck as he waited for her to loosen her grip on his hips. 

A small whimper escaped her lips before Shin-Ae could stop them, and Kousuke looked up at her just in time to see the tear slip from the corner of her eye and roll down her cheek. She stared at him, her eyes glistening in the soft light of the room as she searched his eyes. He brushed the tear from her cheek and pressed a soft kiss to her lips - too soft - and another tear fell. 

“I don’t deserve this, Kousuke.” 

He shushed her quietly, the possessive voice that had crowded his thoughts finally quiet, and gave her the tiny smile that she loved so much. “We will figure all of this out, it’s okay.” She nodded at him, the delicate frown that knitted her brow easing a little. The tightness in his chest hadn’t quite faded yet, fear and jealousy still settled deep in his core as his thoughts wandered back to Nol’s sudden reappearance and what it would do to their lives. 


	7. A Crack in the Mask

Nol shoved his hands in his pockets and stood, staring at Kousuke. Neither of them spoke, neither moved, it was as if they were each challenging the other, each waiting for a hint that the other would fold first so that they could assert themselves as more powerful of the two. 

The years away had been good to Nol, his features had matured into the same rugged handsomeness that their father possessed, his striking green eyes had only grown sharper and more intuitive, and his lopsided smile had somehow become more boyishly charming against his intimidatingly large frame. It was as if his personality had finally filled out to match his imposing figure, as if his charm had evolved to effortlessly match his sharp humor and sarcastic wit. 

Kousuke squared his shoulders and took a deep breath, struggling to remind himself to maintain his composure despite the urge to snap bubbling deep within him. Nol’s casual slouch, the way his shoulders carelessly rounded down in a relaxed posture and yet still seemed to carry the same dignity and poise as when he stood at full height was almost infuriating. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, acquiescing to the fact that he’d have to be the one to initiate the conversation that they both knew was inevitable. 

“I warned you before to give her time to come to you, Nol.” 

Nol grinned at him, his smile bright and confident - so confident that it grated sharply on Kousuke’s nerves. “She came to my room, I did exactly as you asked.”

Kousuke pinned his brother with a glare, “And you thought that immediately bombarding her with your feelings was the appropriate reaction to her wanting a moment to talk to you?” 

Nol had the decency to look somewhat ashamed, but the flash of regret was quickly concealed by the same cocky grin from before. “What’s the matter, Kousuke? Don’t think she can resist me? Or are you still afraid of me?” 

He grit his teeth, clenching his jaw hard as he fought to tamp down the same bite of jealousy that he had felt the night before. He knew that Nol was goading him, intentionally trying to get a rise out of him, but he was struggling to keep from falling into the same childish games that Nol had always goaded him into. “I _said_ ,” Kousuke growled through his teeth, “stay away from her.” 

“I’m not going to avoid her if she comes to me, Kousuke. Shin-Ae is capable of making her own choices.” 

“You have no idea what she’s been through - what _you_ put her through. The least you can do is -”

Nol cocked his brow and shook his head, “I’m not going to just disappear again to make your life easier. I want to at least be honest with her, let her know what really happened. You’re not going to stop me, none of you are.”

“I’m serious Nol, stay away from her.” 

Green eyes locked on blue, the two of them glowered at each other menacingly. Their focus was so intent, so extreme that they didn’t hear the door open or notice Shin-Ae watching them. 

She slammed the stack of files that she was holding on the table, the dishware on the table clattering against the wood as the bound files bounced against the coffee table. Her breath came in hot, heavy bursts and anger sparked in her eyes. She looked between the two of them, her face pulled tight with an expression that neither of them had seen in her before. 

“You two have got to be kidding me…” Her voice shook, dangerously quiet as it pierced the silence that hung in the room. “Arguing like a couple of dogs, fighting over a piece of meat.” She shook her head and narrowed her eyes, “I heard you from down the hall - _everyone can hear you two_.” 

The anger quickly drained from Kousuke and he felt himself deflate as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Dearest, I -”

She held up a hand, silencing him with a hard stare. The tension settled over the room like a fine mist as Nol and Kousuke watched her blink back tears that threatened to fall despite her anger. She curled her hands into fists, trying to hide the way she shook with indignation and rage. “I don’t want to hear another word, I’ve already heard enough.” 

She glanced at Nol and felt herself crack under the weight of his gaze, his green eyes heavy with something that she didn’t want to identify. She bit back the sob that hovered dangerously close to the surface, caught the crumbling sound before it could escape her lips, and she quickly turned and stormed out of the office. She vaguely heard Kousuke call after her, his voice distant and detached from the thoughts that dominated her mind as she tried to put as much distance between herself and the brothers as possible. 

She slammed the door to her office, still vibrating with the overwhelming emotions that were quickly threatening to overpower her. She needed a moment to herself, a moment to fix the mask that she had become so used to hiding behind as it slipped further and further away. Her steps faltered and she leaned her back to the wall, sliding slowly to the floor as her vision swam with unshed tears. Her breath caught on a sob as she crumpled to the floor, unable to move any further as her body locked against the distress that crashed over her. 

She didn’t notice the door open, or the footsteps crossing the floor, she didn’t notice anything until she opened her eyes to see Nol kneeling in front of her. Shin-Ae reflexively covered her face with her hands, dreading the feeling of raw exposure that she was sure was coming as he brushed a stray hair from her face and murmured something that her mind couldn’t quite process. She waited for the hot feeling of shame to wash over her as tears streamed too easily down her face, waited for the embarrassment that never failed to settle in her stomach when her emotions got the better of her. 

She had worked so hard to create a stoic mask to match the rest of the Hirahara family, struggled to get a hard grip on her reactions as she learned how to function with the world watching her. And yet, in a moment when she needed to show that pragmatic strength that she had spent so long building, that she had so carefully hidden herself behind for so long, she had cracked under the weight of herself. And, worse, she had cracked in front of the two people whose opinions meant the most to her. 


End file.
